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THE  LIBRARY 

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4# 


Rejoicings  upon  the 
jSeto  j^ear'g  coming  of  Age 


i 


H^N&ffi 


•<  >• 


Rejoicings  upon  the 
J3eto  gear's  coming  of  Age 


Vy 


PRIVATELY    PRINTED 

<3tCcmxvi 


To 

Mary  Paine 


<u$t  the  'Door  of  the  Hall  Ll6S'/u 

NO  ONE  who  accepts  this  invitation  to  sit  at  table 
with  the  guests  that  Charles  Lamb  has  asked  to 
his  whimsical  feast  need  not  come  as  a  stranger.  For 
the  most  part  we  shall  meet  old  friends  and  a  jolly 
crew;  the  churles  may  sit  by  themselves  at  the  foot  of 
the  board. 

'There  are  good  Days  and  bad — de  gustibus — but 
give  us  cheery  days  at  a  feast! 

Affetlion  or  reverence  or  early  associations  with  cer- 
tain Days  may  hallow  them  and  determine  our  choice 
of  seat  mates;  but  if  there  are  evil  Days  or  sad  ones 
present,  we  may  hope  the  table  is  big  enough  to  give  us 
all  plenty  of  elbow  room. 

Let  us  forget ,  then,  the  Days  that  have  done  us  ill 
and  join  unreservedly  in  the  pleasure  of  the  table  with 
the  Toung  Hopeful  who  presides  at  the  spread  and 
knows  only  the  Holidays.  We  will  not  let  the  tiresome 
wisdom  of  experience  intrude  on  our  enjoyment '-,  or  pre- 
vent our  being  civil  to  all,  taking  the  Days  as  they  come. 

There  are  Days  that  we  shall  never  learn  to  like, 

there  are  some  we  shall  never  forget.  But,  good  or  bad, 

we  may  humbly  hope  to  make  some  of  them  better  for 

knowing  us  and  none  of  them  the  worse. 

C.  M.  F. 


1703877 


Rejoicings  upon  the 
iSeto  gear'*  coming  of  Age 


TUHE  Old  Tear  being  dead,  and  the  J\(ew  Tear 
coming  of  age,  which  he  does,  by  Calendar 
Law,  as  soon  as  the  breath  is  out  of  the  old  gentle- 
man's body,  nothing  would  serve  the  young  spark 
but  he  must  give  a  dinner  upon  the  occasion,  to 
which  all  the  Days  in  the  year  were  invited.  The 
Festivals,  whom  he  deputed  as  his  servants  were 
mightily  taken  with  the  notion.  They  had  been  en- 
gaged time  out  of  mind,  they  said,  in  providing 
mirth  and  good  cheer  for  mortals  below;  and  it  was 
time  they  should  have  a  taste  of  their  own  bounty. 
It  was  stiffly  debated  among  them  whether  the  Fasts 
should  be  admitted.  Some  said  the  appearance  of 
such  lean,  starved  guests,  with  their  mortified  faces, 
would  pervert  the  ends  of  the  meeting.  But  the  ob- 
jection was  overruled  by  Christmas  Day,  who  had  a 
design  upon  Ash  Wednesday,^  you  shall  hear), and 

CO 


a  mighty  desire  to  see  how  the  old  Domine  would 
behave  himself  in  his  cups.  Only  the  Vigils  were 
requested  to  come  with  their  lanterns,  to  light  the 
gentlefolks  home  at  night. 

All  the  Days  came  to  their  day.  Covers  were  pro- 
vided for  three  hundred  and  sixty-five  guests  at  the 
principal  table;  with  an  occasional  knife  and  fork  at 
the  side-board  for  the  'Twenty-Ninth  of  February. 

I  should  have  told  you  that  cards  of  invitation 
had  been  issued.  The  carriers  were  the  Hours ; 
twelve  little,  merry,  whirligig  foot-pages,  as  you 
should  desire  to  see,  that  went  all  round,  and  found 
out  the  persons  invited  well  enough,  with  the  ex- 
ception of  Easter  Day,  Shrove  Tuesday,  and  a  few 
such  Movables,  who  had  lately  shifted  theirquarters. 

Well,  they  all  met  at  last — foul  Days,  fine  Days, 
all  sorts  of  Days,  and  a  rare  din  they  made  of  it. 
There  was  nothing  but,  Hail!  fellow  Day,  well  met 
— brother  Day — sister  Day — only  Lady  Day  kept 
a  little  on  the  aloof,  and  seemed  somewhat  scorn- 
ful. Yet  some  said  Twelfth  Day  cut  her  out  and  out, 
for  she  came  in  a  tiffany  suit,  white  and  gold  like 
a  queen  on  a  frost  cake,  all  royal,  glittering,  and 
Epiphanous.  The  rest  came,  some  in  green,  some  in 
white — but  old  Lent  and  his  family  were  not  yet 


out  of  mourning.  Rainy  Days  came  in,  dripping; 
and  sunshiny  Days  helped  them  to  change  their 
stockings.  Wedding  Day  was  there  in  his  marriage 
finery,  a  little  the  worse  for  wear.  'Pay  Day  came 
late,  as  he  always  does;  and  Doomsday  sent  word 
— he  might  be  expected. 

April  Fool  (as  my  young  lord's  jester)  took  upon 
himself  to  marshal  the  guests,  and  wild  work  he 
made  with  it.  It  would  have  posed  old  Erra  Pater 
to  have  found  out  any  given  Day  in  the  year  to 
erect  a  scheme  upon — good  Days,  bad  Days,  were 
so  shuffled  together,  to  the  confounding  of  all  so- 
ber horoscopy. 

He  had  stuck  the  'Twenty-First  of  June  next  to 
the  Twenty-Second  of  December,  and  the  former 
looked  like  a  Maypole  siding  a  marrow-bone.  A sh 
Wednesday  got  wedged  in  (as  was  concerted)  betwix 
Christmas  and  Lord  Mayor  s  Days.  Lord  !  how  he 
laid  about  him !  Nothing  but  barons  of  beef  and 
turkeys  would  go  down  with  him  —  to  the  great 
greasing  and  detriment  of  his  new  sackcloth  bib  and 
tucker.  And  still  Christmas  Day  was  at  his  elbow, 
plying  him  with  wassail-bowl,  till  he  roared  and 
hiccupp'd,  and  protested  there  was  no  faith  in  dried 
ling,  but  commended  it  to  the  devil  for  a  sour, 

m 


windy,  acrimonious,  censorious,  hy-po-crit-crit-crit- 
ical  mess,  and  no  dish  for  a  gentlemen.  Then  he  dipt 
his  fist  into  the  middle  of  the  great  custard  that 
stood  before  his  left-hand  neighbour •,  and  daubed  his 
hungry  beard  all  over  with  it,  till  you  would  have 
taken  him  for  the  Last  Day  in  December,  it  so  hung 
in  icicles. 

At  another  part  of  the  table,  Shrove  Tuesday  was 
helping  the  Second  of  September  to  some  cock  broth, 
— which  courtesy  the  latter  returned  with  the  deli- 
cate thigh  of  a  hen  pheasant — so  that  there  was  no 
love  lost  for  that  matter.  The  Last  of  Lent  was 
spunging  upon  Shrovetide's  pancakes;  which  April 
Fool  perceiving,  told  him  that  he  did  well,  for  pan- 
cakes were  proper  to  a  good  fry-day. 

In  another  part,  a  hubbut  arose  about  the  Thir- 
tieth of  January,  who,  it  seems,  being  a  sour,  puri- 
tanic character,  that  thought  nobody's  meat  good 
or  sanctified  enough  for  him,  had  smuggled  into  the 
room  a  calf's  head,  which  he  had  had  cooked  at  home 
for  that  purpose,  thinking  to  feast  thereon  incon- 
tiently;  but  as  it  lay  in  the  dish,  March  Many- 
weathers,  who  is  a  very  fine  lady,  and  subject  to  the 
meagrims,  screamed  out  there  was  a  "  human  head  in 
the  platter,"  and  raved  about  Herodias'  daughter 

[4] 


to  that  degree,  that  the  obnoxious  viand  was  obliged 
to  be  removed;  nor  did  she  recover  her  stomach  till 
she  had  gulped  down  a  ^Restorative  confected  of 
Oak  Apple ',  which  the  merry  Twenty-Ninth  of  May 
always  carries  about  him  for  that  purpose. 

The  King's  health  being  called  after  this,  a  not- 
able dispute  arose  between  the  Twelfth  of  August 
(a  zealous  old  Whig  gentlewoman)  and  the  Twen- 
ty-Third of  April  (a  new-fangled  lady  of  the  Tory 
stamp),  as  to  which  of  them  should  have  the  hon- 
our to  propose  it.  August  grew  hot  upon  the  matter, 
affirming  time  out  of  mind  the  prescriptive  right 
to  have  lain  with  her,  till  her  rival  had  basely 
supplanted  her;  whom  she  represented  as  little 
better  than  a  \ept  mistress,  who  went  about  in  fine 
clothe 's,  while  she  (the  legitimate  Birthday)  had 
scarcely  a  rag,  &c. 

April  Fooly  being  made  mediator,  confirmed  the 
right,  in  the  strongest  form  of  words,  to  the  appel- 
lant, but  decided  for  peace'  sake,  that  the  exercise 
of  it  should  remain  with  the  present  possessor.  At 
the  same  time,  he  slyly  rounded  the  first  lady  in  the 
ear,  that  an  action  might  lie  against  the  Crown  for 
bi-geny. 

It  beginning  to  grow  a  little  duskish,  Candlemas 

m 


lustily  bawled  out  for  lights,  which  was  opposed  by 
all  the  Days,  who  protested  against  burning  day- 
light. Then  fair  water  was  handed  round  in  silver 
ewers,  and  the  same  lady  was  observed  to  take  an 
unusual  time  in  Washing  herself. 

May  Day,  with  that  sweetness  which  is  peculiar 
to  her,  in  a  neat  speech  proposing  the  health  of 
the  founder,  crowned  her  goblet  (and  by  her  ex- 
ample the  rest  of  the  company)  with  garlands. 
This  being  done,  the  lordly  J^ew  Year,  from  the 
upper  end  of  the  table,  in  a  cordial  but  somewhat 
lofty  tone,  returned  thanks.  He  felt  proud  on  an 
occasion  of  meeting  so  many  of  his  worthy  father's 
late  tenants,  promised  to  improve  their  farms,  and 
at  the  same  time  to  abate  (if  anything  was  found 
unreasonable)  in  their  rents. 

At  the  mention  of  this,  the  four  Quarter  Days  in- 
voluntarily looked  at  each  other, and  smiled;  April 
Fool  whistled  to  an  old  tune  of  "New  Brooms;" 
and  a  surly  old  rebel  at  the  farther  end  of  the  table 
(who  was  discovered  to  be  no  other  than  the  Fifth 
of  U^oy  ember)  muttered  out,  distinctly  enough  to 
be  heard  by  the  whole  company,  words  to  this  ef- 
fect— that  "when  the  old  one  is  gone,  he  is  a  fool 
that  looks  for  a  better."  Which  rudeness  of  his,  the 

[6] 


guests,  resenting,  unanimously  voted  his  expul- 
sion; and  the  malcontent  was  thrust  out  neck  and 
heels  into  the  cellar,  as  the  properest  place  for  such  a 
boutefeu  and  firebrand  as  he  had  shown  himself  to  be. 

Order  being  restored — the  young  lord  (who,  to 
say  truth,  had  been  a  little  ruffled,  and  put  beside 
his  oratory)  in  as  few  and  yet  as  obliging  words  as 
possible,  assured  them  of  entire  welcome;  and, 
with  a  graceful  turn,  singling  out  poor  Twenty  - 
Ninth  of  February ',  that  had  sat  all  this  while  mum- 
chance  at  the  side-board,  begged  to  couple  his  health 
with  that  of  the  good  company  before  him — which 
he  drank  accordingly;  observing  that  he  had  not 
seen  his  honest  face  any  time  these  four  years — 
with  a  number  of  endearing  expressions  besides.  At 
the  same  time  removing  the  solitary  Day  from  the 
forlorn  seat  which  has  been  assigned  to  him,  he 
stationed  him  at  his  own  board,  somewhere  between 
the  Cjreek  Calends  and  Latter  Lammas. 

Ash  Wednesday ',  being  now  called  upon  for  a  song, 
his  eyes  fast  stuck  in  his  head,  and  as  well  as  the 
Canary  he  had  swallowed  would  give  him  leave, 
struck  up  a  Carol,  which  Christmas  Day  had  taught 
him  for  the  nonce;  and  was  followed  by  the  latter, 
who  gave  "Miserere"  in  fine  style,  hitting  off  the 

[7] 


mumping  notes  and  lengthened  drawl  of  Old  Mor- 
tification with  infinite  humour.  April  Fool  swore 
they  had  exchanged  conditions;  but  Cjood  Friday 
was  observed  to  look  extremely  grave;  and  Sunday 
held  her  fan  before  her  face  that  she  might  not  be 
seen  to  smile. 

Shrove-Tide,  Lord  Mayor  s  Day,  and  April  Fool, 
next  joined  in  a  glee — 

Which  is  the  properest  day  to  drink  ? 
in  which  all  the  Days  chiming  in,  made  a  merry 
burden. 

The  next  fell  to  quibbles  and  conundrums.  The 
question  being  proposed,  who  had  the  greatest 
number  of  followers — the  Quarter  Days  said,  there 
could  be  no  question  as  to  that;  for  they  had  all  the 
creditors  in  the  world  dogging  their  heels.  But 
April  Fool  gave  it  in  favour  of  the  Forty  Days  before 
Easter;  because  the  debtors  in  all  cases,  outnum- 
bered the  creditors,  and  they  kept  Lent  all  the  year. 

All  this  while  Valentine's  Day  kept  courting 
pretty  May,  who  sate  next  him,  slipping  amorous 
billets-doux  under  the  table,  till  the  Dog  Days  (who 
are  naturally  of  a  warm  constitution)  began  to  be 
jealous,  and  to  bark  and  rage  exceedingly.  April 
Fool,  who  likes  a  bit  of  sport  above  measure,  and 

[8] 


had  some  pretensions  to  the  lady  besides,  as  being 
but  a  cousin  once  removed — clapped  and  halloo'd 
them  on:  and  as  fast  as  their  indignation  cooled, 
those  mad  wags,  the  Ember  Days,  were  at  it  with 
their  bellows,  to  blow  it  into  a  flame;  and  all  was  in 
ferment,  till  old  Madam  Septuagesima  (who  boasts 
herself  the  Mother  of  the  Days)  wisely  diverted  the 
conversation  with  a  tedious  tale  of  the  lovers  which 
she  could  reckon  when  she  was  young,  and  of  one 
Master  Rogation  Day  in  particular,  who  was  for 
ever  putting  the  Question  to  her;  but  she  kept  him 
at  a  distance,  as  the  chronicle  would  tell — by  which 
I  apprehend  she  meant  the  Almanack.  Then  she 
rambled  on  to  the  Days  that  were  gone,  the  good 
old  Days,  and  so  to  the  Days  before  the  Flood — 
which  plainly  showed  her  old  head  to  be  little  bet- 
ter than  crazed  and  doited. 

Day  being  ended,  the  Days  called  for  their  cloaks 
and  great-coats,  and  took  their  leave.  Lord  Mayor  s 
Day  went  off  in  a  Mist,  as  usual ;  Shortest  Day  in  a 
deep  black  Fog,  that  wrapt  the  little  gentleman  all 
round  like  a  hedge-hog.  Two  Vigils — so  watch- 
men are  called  in  heaven — saw  Christmas  Day  safe 
home — they  had  been  used  to  the  business  before. 
Another  "Vigil — a  stout,  sturdy  patrole,  called  the 

[9] 


Eve  of  St.  Christopher — seeing  Ash  Wednesday  in 
a  condition  little  better  than  he  should  be — e'en 
whipt  him  over  his  shoulders,  pick-a-back  fashion, 
and  Old  Mortification  went  floating  home  singing — 

On  the  bat's  back  I  do  fly, 
and  a  number  of  old  snatches  besides,  between 
drunk  and  sober;  but  very  few  Aves  or  Penitenti- 
aries (you  may  believe  me)  were  among,  them. 
Longest  Day  set  off  westward  in  beautiful  crimson 
and  gold  —  the  rest,  some  in  one  fashion,  some  in 
another;  butVa/entine  and  pretty  May  took  their 
departure  together  in  one  of  the  prettiest  silvery 
twilights  a  Lover's  Day  could  wish  to  set  in. 


OF    THIS    BOOK     TWO    HUNDRED    COPIES    WERE    PRINTED    FOR 

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IN    DECEMBER   NINETEEN    HUNDRED   AND    SIXTEEN 


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334  335  336  337  33$  339 
350  351  352  353  354  355 


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19  60  61  62  63 

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